In English we have been using our writing skills to describe a setting.
We looked at our shared class writing and thought about how we could make improvements.
The original sentence: ‘The sun made the red look as though it was ruby glinting under the powerful light.’
‘Powerful, blazing sun made the Possibility Building look like a big, red box.’ Dylan
‘The glistening, raging sun shone upon the red Possibility Building, making it look as though it was ruby glinting.’ Oliver
Working with a friend, from our own writing we made these improvements ~
‘We stood in a luxury reception with air con blasting out at us.’
‘We stood in a luxurious reception, at Infinty Park, with freezing air con blasting out at us.’ Josh & Lois
‘Infinity Park , Gobi desert, there is a big black marble and Dr Drax led everyone there.’
‘Infintiy Park is in the Gobi desert. There is a big black shiny floor.’ Mia & Neve
What do you think of our improvements?
What would you have done to improve these sentences?